Samantha: There's no such thing as bad publicity.

Carrie: Of course you'd say that, you're a publicist.

________________________________________

Charlotte: How can you forget a guy you've slept with?

Carrie: Toto, I don't think we're in single digits anymore.

________________________________________

Taxi Driver: No smoking in cab.

Carrie: I'm sorry, we are talking up the butt. A cigarette is in order.

Charlotte: I just don't want to be known as the "up-the-butt girl".

________________________________________

Stanford: I don't like having anything inserted in my anus, even though it may come as a surprise.

________________________________________

Samantha: One time I fucked a guy because he had a swimming pool. I came over and he used to bring me Kool-Aid.

Carrie: Kool-Aid?

Samantha: I was thirteen.

________________________________________

Samantha: You dated Mr. Big. I'm dating Mr. Too Big.

________________________________________

Miranda: You haven't had a crush since Big.

Carrie: Big wasn't a crush. He was a crash.

________________________________________

Samantha: Until he says "I love you", you're a free agent.

Carrie: What is this? The Rules According to Samantha?

Samantha: See? I'm more old-fashioned than you think.

________________________________________

Carrie: One woman's Titanic is another woman's Love Boat.

________________________________________

[Charlotte York has just discovered that Samantha Jones has slept with her brother Wesley]

Charlotte: Is your vagina listed in the New York City guide books? Because it should be - hottest spot in town. Always open.

________________________________________

Samantha: I'm dating a guy with the funkiest tasting spunk...

[Charlotte storms out of the coffee shop]

Miranda: [to Carrie] And she's never coming back!

________________________________________

Miranda: I know you're probably busy having mind-blowing sex, but I feel you need to know that your good friend, Miranda Hobbes, has just taken a piece of cake out of the garbage and eaten it. You'll probably need this information when you check me into the "Betty Crocker Clinic."

________________________________________

Charlotte: Trey, I am tired of being married to your penis.

________________________________________

Samantha: I have a date with a dildo.

________________________________________

Charlotte: Schooner and Rebecca need each other. Schooner and Rebecca need each other.

________________________________________

Carrie: I'm thinking balls are to men, what purses are to women. It's just a little bag but we'd feel naked in public without it.

________________________________________

Samantha: There isn't enough wall space in New York City to hang all of my exes. Let me tell you, a lot of them were hung.

________________________________________

Samantha: [to her male intern] The bad news is you're fired. The good news is now I can fuck you.

________________________________________

Stanford: It's so not fair. All the good ones are straight... even the gay ones.

________________________________________

Samantha: [to Carrie about Big] Have fun, just don't have amnesia.

________________________________________

Carrie: The universe may not always play fair, but at least it's got a hell of a sense of humor.

________________________________________

Charlotte: I don't think she's a lesbian. I think she just ran out of men.

________________________________________

Trey: You're learning Chinese?

Charlotte: Well, just in case, I want to be able to speak to the baby.

________________________________________

[on meeting Big's new girlfriend]

Carrie: Your girl is lovely, Hubbell.

Mr. Big: I don't get it.

Carrie: And you never did.

________________________________________

[after oral sex on some guy]

Samantha: Could you shave or something? Blowing you is like getting my teeth flossed.

________________________________________

Samantha: Look at his robe. So "Robin and his Merry Men."

________________________________________

Samantha: You have a lot of nerve telling me to get a wax. If you were in Aruba the natives could bead your back.

________________________________________

Samantha: I'll admit I have had to polish myself off once or twice, but yes, when I RSVP to a party, I make it my business to come.

________________________________________

Samantha: Anything else around here need milking?

________________________________________

Samantha: Well, I remember when Danny had more than one thought, and they all involved going up my ass.

________________________________________

Samantha: Last night I could not stop thinking about a Big Mac. I finally had to get dressed, go out and pick up a guy.

________________________________________

Samantha: Well, I don't know how you people do it. All that emotional chow-chow. It's exhausting.

________________________________________

Samantha: What am I supposed to say? "Hi, this is my lesbian lover. And p.s.: I'm done with dick"?

________________________________________

Samantha: You've got to get online, honey. If only for the porn.

________________________________________

Carrie: Hi, I'd like a cheeseburger, please, a large fries and a Cosmopolitan.

________________________________________

Carrie: She's shiny Hair Style Section Vera Wang and I'm the sex column they run next to ads for penile implants.

________________________________________

Carrie: I've talked to her twice. Once I was in a cowboy hat and once I was in my bra. I'm like friggin' Annie Get Your Clothes On.

________________________________________

Carrie: How does that work? You go to bed one night, wake up the next morning, and poof - you're a lesbian?

________________________________________

Carrie: Wait a minute. Are we talking tukhis lingus?

________________________________________

Carrie: How does this happen? How do they get the message that the ass is now on the menu?

________________________________________

Carrie: I just left "silent Y" in the bathroom. Oh and P.S., apparently the eighties are back.

________________________________________

Carrie: If by "going," you mean being taken against my will and kidnapped, then yes I'm going. So, enjoy me now, ladies, because this weekend I am Patty Hearst in a mud puddy. I'm a hick town hostage.

________________________________________

Carrie: The only thing I've ever successfully made in the kitchen is a mess. And several small fires.

________________________________________

Carrie: Here. Swear. Swear on Chanel.

________________________________________

Carrie: So what are we going to do? Sit around bars, sipping Cosmos and sleeping with strangers when we're eighty?

________________________________________

Miranda: Do any of you have a completely unremarkable friend or maybe a houseplant I could go to dinner with on Saturday night?

________________________________________

Miranda: Okay, I'm definitely in the slow sexual group if even Charlotte is open to this.

________________________________________

Miranda: Soul mates only exist in the Hallmark aisle of Duane Reade Drugs.

________________________________________

Miranda: I made him cry. No, first I yelled at him - I yelled at my friend the cancer patient - then I made him cry.

________________________________________

Miranda: I used to masturbate to a busboy who was rude to me once. What do you think that means? All right. The cheese stands alone.

________________________________________

Miranda: Sexy is the thing I try to get them to see me as after I win them over with my personality.

________________________________________

Miranda: Women don't care. We care about nice arms, great eyes, a big dick... I've never once heard a woman say: "He had such a big full scrotum."

________________________________________

Miranda: I'm fine... but Charlotte, maybe your "hmmm hmmm" would like an order of fries?

________________________________________

Miranda: I don't want a boyfriend who does that. It's never ok to do that. Wait your turn, shut the door, do your business.

________________________________________

Charlotte: Allow me to get right to the point, guys. After careful consideration, I have decided that I am getting married this year.

________________________________________

Charlotte: I read that if you don't have sex for a year, you can actually become "revirginized".

________________________________________

Charlotte: Trey, you have a boner... I can't discuss my notes if you have a boner.

________________________________________

Charlotte: My vagina's depressed.

________________________________________

Charlotte: Can you have an affair with your own husband?

________________________________________

Charlotte: Look. She's got big boobs. So does she. It's the big boobs bonanza issue.

________________________________________

Charlotte: We finally have the penis working. I don't want to scare it.

________________________________________

Charlotte: If you had a patient who had a very, very slim chance of living, would that be good news? Would you tell the family, "Buck up, he's got a shot in hell?"

________________________________________

Samantha: Where were you on your lunch break? I stopped by your office and you weren't there?

Richard: I was eating.

Samantha: Eating? Eating who?

________________________________________

Carrie: That's another reason I love New York. Just like that, it can go from bad to cute.

________________________________________

Mr. Big: Interesting dress.

Carrie: Meaning?

Mr. Big: Interesting dress.

________________________________________

Samantha: Can we cut the cake? I have to go to a Three-way.

________________________________________

Carrie: [laughing uncontrollably] Wait, Wade, Wait... The Chicken Wings. If they come in and see billions of chicken wings they're gonna know

[more laughing]

Carrie: ... that we were smoking the POT.

________________________________________

Samantha: Money is power, sex is power, therefore, getting money for sex is simply an exchange of power.

Carrie: Once again, Samantha managed to up-sex me.

________________________________________

Miranda: After years of odd men, God is throwing me a bone.

Carrie: And possibly a boner as well.

________________________________________

Carrie: That night, Trey successfully screwed his wife for a full minute-and-a-half... before the wind died.

________________________________________

Charlotte: You pull me off my unicorn, you tear away my gossamer petticoats, and you put your schooner deep inside my Rebecca.

________________________________________

Carrie: One woman's pornographer is another woman's spiritual leader.

________________________________________

Samantha: The country runs better with a good looking man in the White House. I mean, look what happened with Nixon; no one wanted to fuck him, so he fucked everyone.

________________________________________

Carrie: [to Samantha] This past week I've seen Miranda's boobs and Charlotte's boob. Why don't you show me your boobs too and the circle is full?

[Samantha flashes her boobs]

Carrie: I was kidding.

________________________________________

Carrie: [about therapists] First they want you to come there two times a week, then three times a week, and eventually you're starting every sentence with 'my therapist says... '

Miranda: My therapist says that's a very common fear.

________________________________________

Carrie: Yes, we'd love to meet Wesley of Wesley and Leslie. And by the way, does he work at Nestlé?

________________________________________

Samantha: If we could perpetually do blowjobs to every guy on earth, we would own the world. And at the same time have our hands free.

________________________________________

Samantha: You men have no idea what we're dealing with down there. Teeth placement, and jaw stress, and suction, and gag reflex, and all the while bobbing up and down, moaning and trying to breathe through our noses. Easy? Honey, they don't call it a job for nothin'.

________________________________________

Samantha: You get married and hope for the best. If it doesn't work out you'll get divorced. You can take tap with Bojangles over here.

Carrie: No I can't take a vow of for ever and ever if what I mean is for the forseeable future. I couldn't do that to Aiden.

________________________________________

Lew: You want to go grab a drink?

Miranda: Yes please, the sight of all these white teeth is blinding.

________________________________________

Carrie: You think it's as simple as my dad walked out therefore I'll always be screwed up about men?

Miranda: My father came home at seven on the button every night and I still have no clue.

________________________________________

Samantha: [to the girls] I think I have monogamy. I caught it from you people.

Carrie: Now it's airborne.

________________________________________

Miranda: I just got Brady to sleep.

Dr. Robert Leeds: Do you sing to him?

Miranda: Only if he's been bad.

________________________________________

Carrie: This is the day I got arrested for smokin' a doobie.

[giggling uncontrollably]

Carrie: Did you hear that?

[giggling]

Carrie: I said "doobie".

________________________________________

Charlotte: I proposed to myself.

Carrie: What?

Charlotte: Yes. I suggested he have a tomato salad, then I suggested we get married.

Carrie: Wait. What exactly did he say?

Charlotte: All righty.

Carrie: All righty? He said all righty? Now I'm thinking the upsetting thing isn't that you proposed, it's that you proposed to a guy that says "all righty".

Charlotte: Oh, Carrie, stop.

Carrie: All righty.

________________________________________

Mr. Big: [Carrie has returned to New York after a bad spell in Paris and where Big in his ubuquitous runs into her outside on the streets on NYC outside of her apartment] You know, I don't live here anymore and the Four Season won't check you in until one o'clock.

Carrie: Oh? Did you wanna come up?

[She points to her apartment]

Mr. Big: Abso-fucking-lutely!

________________________________________

Carrie: The fact is, sometimes it's really hard to walk in a single woman's shoes. That's why we need really special ones now and then to make the walk a little more fun.

________________________________________

Miranda: [Stomps her foot while on the phone at Steve's] DAMMIT! I fucked up Debbie's B!

________________________________________

[the girls are having lunch]

Carrie: Big's leaving his wife!

[All girls gasp]

Carrie: He got drunk and told me at the furniture show

Miranda: What was he doing at a furniture show?

Carrie: Drinkin' and leaving his wife!

________________________________________

Miranda: I once was broken up with by a guy's doorman: "I'm sorry, Ms. Hobbes, Jonathan won't be coming down. Ever."

________________________________________

Carrie: Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous.

________________________________________

Carrie: It was all very familiar. She was having a dejà-fuck.

________________________________________

Anthony Marantino: I am sleeping and walking! Sleeping and walking! How am I doing that?

________________________________________

Carrie: We were having one of those great first dates that you can only have when its not an actual date.

________________________________________

Carrie: It's the end of an era.

________________________________________

Carrie: You string me along for two years and you marry some 25 year old girl after five months.

________________________________________

Carrie: It's good to know that the ones you love will always be in your heart. And if you're very lucky, only a plane ride away.

________________________________________

Miranda: When did you stop calling her the idiot stick figure with no soul?

Carrie: Three weeks ago when I saw them at Cafe M. He was smiling and holding her hand and I finally got it. They're happy slash we're over.

________________________________________

Miranda: I'm gonna ask you an unpleasant question now- why did you ever say yes?

Carrie: The man you love kneels down in the street and offers you a ring, you say yes that's what you do.

________________________________________

Carrie: Dolce and Gabanna picked me?

Fashion show producer: Yes, fuckette, and those are some picky Italians.

________________________________________

Samantha: My name's Samantha and I'm a loveaholic.

________________________________________

Steve: Who's gonna fuck a uniball bartender?

________________________________________

Carrie: "Going out of business sex", what do you think?

Miranda: [immediately] No.

Carrie: All right, Quick Draw, give it a second here.

Miranda: [gives it a literal second] No.

________________________________________

Carrie: My Zen teacher also said the only way to true happiness is to live in the moment and not be worried about the future.

________________________________________

Carrie: Maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they need to run free until they find someone just as wild to run with...

________________________________________

Carrie: I will never be the woman with the perfect hair, who can wear white and not spill on it.

________________________________________

Charlotte: I didn't grow up in a naked house.

Carrie: Well I didn't either.

Charlotte: [laughing about a naked woman in the locker room] I bet she grew up in a naked house.

Carrie: She might still live in a naked house.

________________________________________

Carrie: What? Now? What happened to last night with all your concerns?

Big: Fuck it. You'll need material for the sequel.

________________________________________

Miranda: I'm dating skid-marks guy. When your boyfriend is so comfortable that he cannot be bothered to wipe his ass, there's a problem.

________________________________________

Miranda: I didn't tell Walker I was pregnant.

Carrie: Miranda!

Miranda: It didn't come up! If Walker had said to me, "Have you given birth recently?", I would have said, "Well, first of all, define recently."

________________________________________

Miranda: [about analingus] Some guy must have found one woman that loved it and then went around telling everyone, "Women LOOOVE this!"

________________________________________

Carrie: Charlotte, you have slept with eight men and we're still on appetizers.

________________________________________

Harry: Charlotte, you're so beautiful... your skin is so smooth...

Charlotte: And you... have a hard dick.

________________________________________

Carrie: I revealed too much too soon. I was emotionally slutty.

________________________________________

Samantha: [on the possibility that Carrie's boyfriend will propose to her] If you become one of thos married assholes, I'll kill you.

________________________________________

Samantha: [somebody drew a crude drawing on Carrie's bus ad, so Samantha tries to comfort her] Nobody in New York notices a bus, unless it's about to hit them.

________________________________________

Charlotte: It's like we live in the Museum of Natural Ugliness!

________________________________________

Carrie: [offscreen] The only thing harder than choosing a spot for your wedding when you hate weddings is choosing a wedding gift for your friend who hates weddings.

Charlotte: What about a guest book?

Carrie: There's gonna be like eight of us there. There's no one to keep track of. I can't believe Miranda is getting married.

Charlotte: [holds up heart shaped dish] This is pretty!

Samantha: Oh, she'll hate that. Too domestic.

Carrie: And too bridey.

Samantha: Yeah, let's try not to piss her off.

Charlotte: Maybe we should just buy her a stapler, wrap it in brown paper and just smear some dog poo on it! Think she'd be comfortable with that?

Carrie: Fine. We'll get the dish.

________________________________________

Charlotte: Oh my God! Vagina weights!

Samantha: Honey, my vagina waits for no man.

________________________________________

Carrie: We had left the world of black and white, and now everything was gray.

________________________________________

Carrie: [to Mr. Big] I'll see you Sunday night. Don't disappoint us. And by us, I mean you and me.

________________________________________

Carrie: I'm drunk. I'm drunk at *Vogue*!

________________________________________

[Charlotte has just told the girls about a magazine article she read which said that a woman only gets two "great loves" in her lifetime]

Charlotte: So far I've only had one great love - Trey.

[to Miranda]

Charlotte: How many great loves have you had?

Miranda: Zero.

Carrie: Really? What about Steve?

Miranda: Steve's a friend, not a core-shaker.

Samantha: Well, I'm done with great love. I'm back to great lovers.

Miranda: [to Carrie] You?

Carrie: I refuse to define love in those limited terms

Miranda: [laughing] I had to!

Charlotte: Oh, come on Carrie! Aidan and Big!

[Charlotte pauses as she realizes what she just said. Carrie looks up at her]

Carrie: One, two. And according to you, I'm done!

Charlotte: No, no, it was a stupid article. It was at the dentist!

Carrie: No, no, no, no, too late now. You said it, it's over for me. "Here lies Carrie. She had two loves and lots o' shoes"

________________________________________

Miranda: [to shop assistant] No, I told you, no white, no ivory, nothing that says virginal. I have a child. The jig is up.

________________________________________

Carrie: [Miranda has just told Carrie that Steve wants to be exclusive, and that she's feeling conflicted about it] Uh-oh. Time for the ol' list.

Miranda: The list?

Carrie: Things you like about Steve, things you don't like about Steve. Then see which list is longer.

Miranda: That seems so judgmental.

Carrie: Miranda, you *are* judgmental. Try putting it to good use.

________________________________________

[Carrie and Charlotte are in the park]

Carrie: The Russian doesn't want to have kids. Had one a long time ago. He's done.

Charlotte: Well, then, "dosvidanya" or however you say it.

Carrie: What? No! For you maybe, but not for me.

Charlotte: Don't you want to have the option?

Carrie: Well, yes. But it's my experience that men like him don't come along that often.

Charlotte: But we're 38! These are the years.

Carrie: Yes, I know, I've heard. I'm running out of time. I don't even have time to eat this cookie.

Charlotte: How is it?

Carrie: It's so good I forgot to have children.

________________________________________

Carrie: That's my call, can you hang on?

Charlotte: [the doorbell rings] No, I can't. That's the locksmith. Bunny's back.

________________________________________

Mr. Big: How are things with that guy, Hot Dog?

Carrie: Berger.

________________________________________

Carrie: [on starting an all-male brothel industry] We should open one in every block, like Starbucks!

Samantha: Starfucks!

________________________________________

Carrie: [waiting with Mr. Winkle, the puppet dog, for her book reading to start] This book tour's tough.

Carrie: [Mr. Winkle continues to nod and pant. Carrie gives him a good look] That's a cute top.

________________________________________

Charlotte: What am I going to tell my kids? "Well, Mommy really wanted to get married so she asked Daddy and Daddy said "All righty.""

________________________________________

Carrie: The most important thing in life is your family. There are days you love them, and others you don't. But, in the end, they're the people you always come home to. Sometimes it's the family you're born into and sometimes it's the one you make for yourself.

________________________________________

Samantha: Wanna wrestle!

________________________________________

Miranda: Baptism is a very odd tradition. It's all about cleansing this little baby of its sins, when clearly babies come into the world with a clean slate and we're the ones who fuck 'em up.

Carrie: So you're a pessimist, right?

Miranda: Have we met?

________________________________________

Carrie: Here we are ladies, Atlantic City! Look around and breathe it all in!

Carrie: [breathes in] Ahhhhhh, I've missed this! Ahhh, yeah!

Samantha: You've been here before?

Carrie: I was referring to the cigarette smoke.

________________________________________

Samantha: Fuck me badly once, shame on you. Fuck me badly twice, shame on me!

________________________________________

Carrie: Man may have discovered fire, but women discovered how to play with it.