Nu stiu ce naiba m-a apucat, dar de cateva zile dorm intruna...mi-e somn inca de cand ma trezesc dimineata si continui sa cucai ca o gaina pe oua toata ziulica...In weekendul asta am fost o legumita: m-am trezit pe la 2- 3 dupa amiza si am stat in pat toata ziua. Nici sa mananc nu am fost in stare.

La birou ma fortez sa fiu alerta si sa nu par o mosmondita, dar nu prea reusesc. Imi vine sa imi desenezi niste ochi larg deschisi pe ochelari si in spatele lor sa pot dormi in voie. Cafeaua are efect de somnifer, asa ca am trecut la artileria grea: spirulina. Daca nici asta nu ma pune pe picioare, atunci cred ca trec pe hipnoza, sa imi descopar niscaiva traume ascunse, care nu ma lasa sa ma odihnesc.

Maine am un test pentru un interviu si, la cat de varza ma simt acum, daca ma iei repede nu stiu nici cat fac 1+1, dar sa mai calculez ecuatii, ratele dobanzilor sau sa rezolv probleme de logica.

M-am tot gandit si razgandit despre diferite solutii de indepartere a oboselii:

- sa dorm mai mult - dar cu cat dorm mai mult, cu atat mi-e mai somn. Daca dorm 12 ore, ma simt mai rau decat daca as dormi 8.
- cafea - nu mai are nici un efect. Asa ca ma gandesc serios sa trec pe ness, desi nu imi place si imi da palpitatii la corazon.
- vitamine - mi-am luat, insa ce ma fac eu ca scrie pe ele: supliment alimentar...Adica ingrasa! Si eu, decat sa ma ingras, mai bine m-as lasa calcata de un camion.
- sport - yeah, right! Abia imi misc picioarele din sufragerie in dormitor si invers, dar sa ma mai apuc si de sport...Cred ca dupa doua pedalari de bicicleta m-as aduna de pe jos.
- sa renunt la stimulente - cafea, tigari, bere...hmmm, cred ca totusi e mai atractiva solutia cu vitaminele aducatoare de kilograme.
- sa nu ma mai uit la filme horror noaptea. Pentru ca dupa aia visez numai tampenii, cosmaruri in care Freddy Krueger sau alt psihopat ma urmaresc toata noaptea si ma trezesc nu numai lac de sudoare, ci si obosita de parca as fi alergat 100 m garduri. Uite, chiar acum incepe unul la AXN. Ma grabesc sa inchei, vreau sa ma uit.
- sa iau somnifere. Din experienta, astea te aduc intr-o stare de somn-veghe, plin de imagini mai ceva decat un film horror. Dormi, dar dormi degeaba.
- Feng-shui. Am camera plina de lumarele parfumate, uleiuri esentiale, am patul orientat spre nord...Feng shui? Poate Feng crap!

Deci, nimic din cele de mai sus nu au functionat. Daca aveti vreo alta idee, please share!

Cum vindeci o inima zdrobita?

Personal, optez pentru lobotomie. M-as inscrie pentru una, insa am auzit ca exista o lunga lista de asteptare, exista mii si mii de inimi zdrobite care isi asteapta randul, iar chirurgii sunt ocupati pana peste cap. Sunt la cateva celule de creier de o viata linistita si fara durere.

Cum poti avea o inima zdrobita, cand nu iti mai poti da seama in care parte a corpului tau este inima de fapt? Pentru ca te doare tot.

Nu stiu, chiar nu am idee...daca gasiti leacul, dati-mi si mie un strop. Se pare ca sunt atat de fraiera, incat eu sunt cea care se alege mereu cu inima faramite. Ei bine, ma consolez cu ideea ca am o constiinta curata..dorm ca un prunc si ma pot uita in oglinda fara ezitari.

Daca te-a parasit iubitul, iti va lua ceva timp sa te vindeci. Nu te arunca intr-o relatie cu altcineva...crede-ma nu esti pregatita. Daca ai fi pregatita, nu ai fi atat de disperata sa iti ocupi timpul liber ramas cu altcineva. Stiu asta din experienta.

Femeile proaspat parasite sunt cea mai proasta intalnire pe care o poate avea un tip. Sunt triste, melancolice, iti fac capul calendar despre cat de dobitoc era ex-ul. Dar daca vrei doar sa regulezi si nu ai pic de inima...go for it!

Eu niciodata nu am putut doar "sa ma distrez" intr-o relatie. Cred ca sunt mult prea romantica pentru asta. Probabil cred inca, in ciuda a tot si toate, in iubire, contrar optiunii mai lejere "Vreau doar sa ma simt bine pentru moment". Sunt mai mult adepta ecuatiei "eu&tu=noi" , decat a celei "me, myself and I don't give a damn about you".

Imi spunea o prietena ca nu gaseste pe nimeni singur si normal in orasul ei. Barbatii sunt ca telefoanele: ori sunt ocupati, ori sunt defecti. Ce crezi? Si in orasul meu e la fel...

Oricum, daca stie cineva vreun chirung bun pentru o lobotomie si are un loc liber in agenda, va rog, dati-mi de stire.

De ce sunt atat de proasta, imi spune si mie cineva? Cica sunt cinica….la dracu, nu stiu cum se numeste, insa eu o numesc prostie. Azi nu s-a intamplat nimic deosebit, doar am vorbit cu niste oameni. Pe marginea unei beri(sau mai multe) lucrurile au capatat proportii gigant. E si normal, doar sunt berbec, ce pana mea? Si am stat de vorba cu un leu, adica tot un dus de acasa.

Mie dor de EA. Nu stiu nici eu de ce, pentru ca nu mi-e dor de ea, cea care a fost la ultima discutie. Ci de ea care era cand eram impreuna, vorbind nimicuri si facand prostii, hlizindu-ne ca niste copii de gradinita. Mi-e dor de ea, dar nu pot sa iert. Numiti-o mandrie, orgoliu prostesc…eu o numesc…durere. Cand ma gandesc la ea doare. Doare nu durerea in sine provocata, ci neintelegerea ideii de durere provocata.

Ma doare…inca ma gandesc…inca nu inteleg si nu voi intelege niciodata…poti sa imi spui”imi pare rau” insa vei spune degeaba…pentru ca ce s-a intamplat nu are logica, nu trebuia sa se intample, nu isi avea sens intre noi…NOI…a existat vreun noi, vreodata? . E normal sa alegi… si e normal ca mie sa nu imi placa alegerea ta…insa...e la fel de NORMAL ca sa faci asta cum ai facut-o tu? Stii despre ce vorbesc, nu face (iar) pe naiva.

Am vorbit cu o prietena astazi…inca sufera dupa o iubire pierduta. Astazi, ideea ca el ar putea sa isi continue viata ca si cum ea nu ar fi existat o scotea din minti. Am intrebat-o: vrei sa te ascult sau vrei sa te trezesc? Nu a vrut sa o trezesc. Insa imi expun umila parere pe propiul meu blog: a plecat…ti-a dat papucii…get over yourself! Nu o sa se opreasca in loc nici viata lui, nici lumea pentru ca tu plangi si suferi dupa el. Ti se pare incredibil ca la cateva zile dupa ce ti-a frant inima el continua sa respire si sa isi faca planuri in viata? Cum asa? Nu e normal? Poate ca durerea ta este cea mai mare care a existat vreodata, pentru ca e a ta, insa, spre nefericirea ta, soarele inca straluceste (ei bine, zilele astea nu prea, dar inca nu a cazut de pe cer, cel putin), pamantul inca se invarte si DA, el continua sa traiasca bine mersi. Nu iti place, e normal! Ai vrea sa simta si el putina durere, e la fel de normal! Dar nu face un atac de panica la acest gand…E NORMAL!

Azi am mai vorbit cu o alta prietena…i-am cerut o parere. Si am primit ceva…nu ce asteptam, nu ce vroiam , insa asta este. Suntem oameni, avem pareri diferite. Si suntem liberi sa cugetam si sa decidem de partea cui este dreptatea in viata asta. Sunt un copil de gradinita daca inca mai cred in ideea aceea absurda de prietenie, dupa atatea dezamagiri! E normal sa imi fac sperante, ca orice om? E NORMAL!

Ce inseamna normal pentru mine? Ce inseamna normal pentru restul lumii? Dupa ultimele experiente, se pare ca normalul meu este de fapt anormalul pentru altii… E si asta la fel de NORMAL! Poate sunt anormala. Insa, vazand normalul altora, nici nu mi-as dori sa fiu altfel…este NORMAL…pentru mine, cel putin si asta mi-e suficient!

Meredith Grey: [after a one-night stand with Derek Shepherd] I'm going to go upstairs and take a shower. And when I come back you won't be here. So goodbye, Derek."

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Meredith Grey: Don't look at me like that, like you've seen me naked.

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Meredith Grey: I can't think of a single reason why I should be a surgeon, but I can think of a thousand reasons why I should quit. They make it hard on purpose... there are lives in our hands. There comes a moment when it's more than just a game, and you either take that step forward or turn around and walk away. I could quit but here's the thing, I love the playing field.

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Meredith Grey: We're adults. When did that happen? And how do we make it stop?

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Meredith Grey: At some point, you have to make a decision. Boundaries don't keep other people out. They fence you in. Life is messy. That's how we're made. So, you can waste your lives drawing lines. Or you can live your life crossing them. But there are some lines... that are way too dangerous to cross.

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Meredith Grey: You know how when you were a little kid and you believed in fairy tales, that fantasy of what your life would be, white dress, prince charming who would carry you away to a castle on a hill. You would lie in bed at night and close your eyes and you had complete and utter faith. Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, Prince Charming, they were so close you could taste them, but eventually you grow up, one day you open your eyes and the fairy tale disappears. Most people turn to the things and people they can trust. But the thing is its hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely cause almost everyone has that smallest bit of hope, of faith, that one day they will open their eyes and it will come true.

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Meredith Grey: At the end of the day faith is a funny thing. It turns up when you don't really expect it. Its like one day you realize that the fairy tale may be slightly different than you dreamed. The castle, well, it may not be a castle. And its not so important happy ever after, just that its happy right now. See once in a while, once in a blue moon, people will surprise you , and once in a while people may even take your breath away.

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Meredith Grey: A couple of hundred years ago, Benjamin Franklin shared with the world the secret of his success. Never leave that till tomorrow, he said, which you can do today. This is the man who discovered electricity. You think more people would listen to what he had to say. I don't know why we put things off, but if I had to guess, I'd have to say it has a lot to do with fear. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, sometimes the fear is just of making a decision, because what if you're wrong? What if you're making a mistake you can't undo? The early bird catches the worm. A stitch in time saves nine. He who hesitates is lost. We can't pretend we hadn't been told. We've all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, heard the damn poets urging us to seize the day. Still sometimes we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore. Until we finally understand for ourselves what Benjamin Franklin really meant. That knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping, and even the biggest failure, even the worst, beat the hell out of never trying.

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Meredith Grey: Maybe we like the pain. Maybe we're wired that way. Because without it, I don't know; maybe we just wouldn't feel real. What's that saying? Why do I keep hitting myself with a hammer? Because it feels so good when I stop.

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Meredith Grey: Intimacy is a four syllable word for, "Here's my heart and soul, please grind them into hamburger, and enjoy." It's both desired, and feared. Difficult to live with, and impossible to live without. Intimacy also comes attached to the three R's... relatives, romance, and roommates. There are some things you can't escape. And other things you just don't want to know.

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Meredith Grey: I wish there were a rulebook for intimacy. Some kind of guide to tell you when you've crossed the line. It would be nice if you could see it coming, and I don't know how you fit it on a map. You take it where you can get it, and keep it as long as you can. And as for rules, maybe there are none. Maybe the rules of intimacy are something you have to define for yourself.

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Meredith Grey: Okay, here it is, your choice... it's simple, her or me, and I'm sure she is really great. But Derek, I love you, in a really, really big pretend to like your taste in music, let you eat the last piece of cheesecake, hold a radio over my head outside your window, unfortunate way that makes me hate you, love you. So pick me, choose me, love me.

FISHISMS

Helping people is never more rewarding than when it's in your own self-interest.
- A Fishism
"I didn't become a lawyer because I like the law. The law sucks. It's boring. But it can also be used as a weapon. You want to bankrupt somebody, cost him everything he's worked for, make his wife leave him, even cause his kids to cry? We can do that."

"Georgia, give me your shoe. Why would a grown person wear these? They are hugely uncomfortable, make it easier to fall, cause back problems, but, hey -- call it fashion. What kind of person would spend an equivalent of two years painting her face and plucking out her eyebrows, and putting silicone or saline in her chest? There is a name for this kind of person, 'woman'. Why? Because, we 'men' like it. Don't talk to me about equality. Don't tell me you aren't disabled."

"Unisex studies show it helps men and women employees breed familiarity, so long as they don't come in to just breed." - Richard, on the unisex toilets

"Having a child is a selfish thing. Couples don't walk around wanting to give life. They say, we want a child. We want, we want. It is a selfish thing, a good selfish. Selfish." - Richard, to Georgia

"Personally, I hate sexual harassment laws. The original force behind them were disgruntled lesbians who felt they were not given the same opportunities. Along with ugly women, who are jealous of pretty women who got all the breaks in the work force. My cause to action is simple, women are victims. They need special help. Look, at the evolution of these sexual harassment laws. What we are really saying is women really should qualify under the Federal Disablity Act. They are less able. They cannot cope with romance in the office. They cannot contend with having to do a job and have a man smile at them. It is too much. Look where we use to be, first quid pro quo, then hostile enviorment, and now Sienfeld episodes. Women can't take it they bruise too easily. The laws are here to protect the weak and most vulernable in society. She is woman, protect her!"
- Richard Fish, "The Playing Field"
"We just love to live in a politically correct world, that is so involved. Where did we pass a law against common sense? This is a french bistro. When people go there, they go not just to eat but to dine. The ambiance of culture they want to feel elite and sophiscated. A good gay waiter can do that. They have that snobbish little entitlement thing going. People like that."
"Gays are elitist snobs?"
"The waiter kind are. First they are smarter. They grow up reading more books, probably trying to figure out the answer as to why they are homosexual. Plus, they are terrible at sports which gives them more time to study. They are smart, they want to work in the arts. They end up as waiters, way over qualified, bitter, snobby. People have com e to expect this when ordering a fruity wine."
- Richard Fish & Judge, "The Inmates"
"Problem is just a bleak word for challenge."

"Love is an equation, a me and a you derives a we."

"Never trust a second thought. Where there is two there is three. You will end up thinking forever."

"Personal questions don't bother me. I just lie."

"How do these things just spew out of your head like this? Couldn't you at least use your brain as a filter?"
"That remark would hurt if I had feelings."
- Ally and Richard
"I appologize for Mr. Thomas's hostility. In as much as I constantly stress the need for civility, he continues to have these reactions to witch hunts, particularly when they are so blatant."

"I hate to pull ranks, but this is the kind of case where having female litigants is a plus, we owe it to Ling to extend our best efforts, not to mention this is a client with whom I'm still trying to reach sexual fruition, for once I'll ask you to think about someone other than yourselves, can you do that?"

SEASON ONE

It’s not easy to meet women. Sure I can walk into a bar and buy a lady a drink and under the pretext of a perhaps budding relationship seduce her into satisfying my sexual needs, but that goes against my grain to deceive another person no matter what the personal gratification. So I thought it more honest to solicit a prostitute.
- John, in court, "Compromising Positions"
"Ally, when I was in high school, I picked up a nickname which follows me to this day. You know what they called me?
"Um, no."
"The little biscuit."
"They used to call me 'the popsicle'."
- John & Ally, "Compromising Positions"
"Who wants to be balanced? Balance is overrated!"
- Ally, "One Hundred Tears Away"
"I kept believing in Santa till I was 12 years old. I just wouldnt give it up."
"And what made you stop?"
"My mother. She told me he fondled the elves. Some therapist told her step one was to undermine my admiration for him. Next year she told me that he died. Of a heart attack. Cholesterol. I blamed myself for tempting that poor fat man with cookies and buttermilk. The thought of him struggling down that narrrow chimney..."
"And you call me odd?"
- John & Ally, "Silver Bells"
"You think we're all from Mars here don't you?"
"I never said which planet."
- Ally & John Donnell, "The Inmates"
"Imagine thinking when you go, it will have mattered that you lived. And then consider the alternative."
- Bernie Gilson, "Being There"
I mean with all due respect, you sort of walk around with uppity breasts...and the hair flips aren't the most subtle...and your perfume! You could be flammable! Now what if somebody shut you down as a safety hazard. How would you feel then?"
"That was with all due respect?"
- Ally to Elaine
"Why am I telling you this?"
"Because you can. Remember, when you are with me its the one time you aren't the strangest person in the room."
- John & Ally
"The truth is, I probably don't want to be too happy or content, 'cause then what? I actually like the quest, the search. That's the fun. The more lost you are, the more you have to look forward to. What do you know? I'm having a great time and I don't even know it." - Ally

"There's just so many ways he wasn't you... right! Wasn't right." - Ally to Billy

"Sometimes I'm tempted to become a street person, cut off from society. But then I wouldn't get to wear my outfits." - Ally

"I have a great imaginary world, but sometimes I just need things to happen." - Ally

"I live my life as one big Christmas Eve, and it makes me happy, happy, happy!" - Ally

SEASON TWO

"It can't last forever, of course not. But who made up the rule that the best loves do?"
- Tracy, "The Real World"
"Lonely people... they always have a look, a look that it could change any second, maybe with the next person that enters the room. Lonely people have hope, she didn't seem to. She was just sad, like she knew too much. Some people find love, permanent; some are just meant to be alone. She knew what she was."
- Jason, "The Real World"
"She's good, John -- this woman reminds me of me. Should we hire her?"
"It's hard for me to be objective, I'm drawn to her."
"You have no chance, does that help?"
- Richard and John, on Nelle, "The Real World"
"Just so we're clear -- we hate her, right?"
- Elaine, on Nelle, "The Real World"
"I hear that when she shakes hands, she won't stick hers out very far 'cause she wants to other person to meet her more than halfway."
- Elaine, on Nelle, "The Real World"
"I have certain rules about dating men I work with... but I make them up as I go along."
- Nelle, "They Eat Horses Dont They"
"I'm afraid if I tell you, I would win back the reputation as strangest one in the room."
- John, to Ally, "They Eat Horses, Dont They?"
"Men are always trying to mentally undress me. I'm just trying to save them some time, that's all."
- Ally, on her short skirts, "They Eat Horses, Dont They?"
"The naked woman is here, she's disguised in clothes."
- Ling, on Whipper, "Happy Trails"
"Nelle, remember how you hate people talking about you behind your back?" "Yes."
"I can't do that when you are in the room."
- Richard & Nelle, "Making Spirits Bright"
"You've got to remember John. You're not who you are, you're only what other people think of you. Fishism."
- Richard, "Making Spirits Bright"
"Women, the period once a month, thats good for 3 days sub-performance. PMS, tack on another day. Add the 3.2 more hrs per month women spend in the bathroom doing either makeup, hair, who knows. And the single ones, forget it! All they want is to meet a man. Actually, Ally, maybe we should introduce you as an exhibit."
- Richard, "Let's Dance"
"John, If we want to connect with her on a cracker level, you get the assignment. But for common sense, I'm the one who should go. I'd send Billy but he might kiss her."
"Hey."
"Bygones."
- Richard & Billy, "Know Him By Heart"
"She's my hero! She's vicious, I disagree with almost everything she says, she treats me like dirt and somehow she's my hero."

- Ally, after Ling's speech, "Just Looking"

"She makes eyes at me. She's either drawn to me, or I puzzle her. Could be both."

- John, about Nelle

"You said Ling hard L, hard G. It's Ling soft L, soft G."

- Ling advises on pronunciation of her name

"Doesn't anything nice come out of your mouth?"

- Georgia, to Ling

"He's afraid."
"Why?"
"He's interested."
"Men are supposed to pounce when they're interested."
"Hel-lo! They pounce on the wrong girls. When it's the right girl, they turn into bumbling little chickens."
- Dr. Tracy and Ally
That kind of frank dialogue troubles me.
- John
By not going down the road, it remains the road ahead which excites me. It even brings me joy.
- John to Nelle
JUST LOOKING

In this episode Ling, as owner of a mud-wrestling club, is being sued by MOPE (Mothers Opposed to Pornographic Entertainment), who are trying to shut the club down. Nelle is defence attorney:

Ling: The idea that it degrades women is ridiculous. Every woman wants to be thought of as desirable. Imagine, they can go home at night and say "Even in mud, I look good!"
Nelle: You have to admit this activity does objectify them?
Ling: So?
Nelle: Ling, how can it not be a little degrading, women stranding around in bathing suits ? Guys whooping?
Ling: First, the women there make nearly a hundred thousand dollars a year. How? These drunken Neanderthals hurl money at them. Go into that club. You come out with a lower opinion of men, trust me.
Nelle: That could be true, but these girls do make that money with their bodies.
Ling: They make it, by teasing men with something they'll never get their hands on. That goes to the very essence of a woman.
Nelle: Excuse me?
Ling: Sex is a weapon. We all use it, we tease, we tantalize, we withhold it, something we do in almost every walk of life, be it marriage, business... God gave us that advantage by giving men the dumb stick.
...
Attorney: So as a woman you see nothing wrong with putting out naked girls in a ring, rubbing mud on their breasts for the sole purpose of titillating men?
Ling: No!
Attorney: Nothing at all ?
Ling: Suppose we put them in a ring as boxers, and cheer for one to knock the other unconscious, would that be better?
Attorney: You're comparing boxing to mud-wrestling ?
Ling: Of course not. Boxing is worse, talk about reducing people, let's pay two men to beat on each other, how rich!
Attorney: Have you ever met any women in your club ?
Ling: Why should I?
Attorney: Never bothered to check out their backgrounds, find out why it is their living is based on sexual desires?
Ling: It would be hypocritical for me to ask, it would suggest I care.
Attorney: Maybe a few of them feel like they have little choice. Perhaps for some it represents their only choice.
Ling: Well, then how lucky they are to have you to take that choice away! With feminists like you, who needs chauvinism?

Richard: Once a man hits puberty, he gets the sense he'll forever be part idiot It's debilitating, it hurts. These strip clubs, you go, you look around, you see the women, and then you see all the men, and you realize you're not alone. The room is full of idiots! It makes us feel better.
Judge: And that's important?
Richard: To be honest, yes. It's liberating. You grow up hiding in your closet with a flashlight, a copy of Playboy, trying not to get the pages sticky. You wonder if you're some kind of deviant. Fear of being a pervert, it can drive you to be isolated, perhaps anti social, you don't fit in, you go to work at the post office, you just don't belong, you're different, the insecurity festers into neurosis, all the while, you're normal and you don't know it ! You go to this club, you see normal. These places aren't just sex shops, they stand to preserve our mental health!