Samantha: There's no such thing as bad publicity.

Carrie: Of course you'd say that, you're a publicist.

________________________________________

Charlotte: How can you forget a guy you've slept with?

Carrie: Toto, I don't think we're in single digits anymore.

________________________________________

Taxi Driver: No smoking in cab.

Carrie: I'm sorry, we are talking up the butt. A cigarette is in order.

Charlotte: I just don't want to be known as the "up-the-butt girl".

________________________________________

Stanford: I don't like having anything inserted in my anus, even though it may come as a surprise.

________________________________________

Samantha: One time I fucked a guy because he had a swimming pool. I came over and he used to bring me Kool-Aid.

Carrie: Kool-Aid?

Samantha: I was thirteen.

________________________________________

Samantha: You dated Mr. Big. I'm dating Mr. Too Big.

________________________________________

Miranda: You haven't had a crush since Big.

Carrie: Big wasn't a crush. He was a crash.

________________________________________

Samantha: Until he says "I love you", you're a free agent.

Carrie: What is this? The Rules According to Samantha?

Samantha: See? I'm more old-fashioned than you think.

________________________________________

Carrie: One woman's Titanic is another woman's Love Boat.

________________________________________

[Charlotte York has just discovered that Samantha Jones has slept with her brother Wesley]

Charlotte: Is your vagina listed in the New York City guide books? Because it should be - hottest spot in town. Always open.

________________________________________

Samantha: I'm dating a guy with the funkiest tasting spunk...

[Charlotte storms out of the coffee shop]

Miranda: [to Carrie] And she's never coming back!

________________________________________

Miranda: I know you're probably busy having mind-blowing sex, but I feel you need to know that your good friend, Miranda Hobbes, has just taken a piece of cake out of the garbage and eaten it. You'll probably need this information when you check me into the "Betty Crocker Clinic."

________________________________________

Charlotte: Trey, I am tired of being married to your penis.

________________________________________

Samantha: I have a date with a dildo.

________________________________________

Charlotte: Schooner and Rebecca need each other. Schooner and Rebecca need each other.

________________________________________

Carrie: I'm thinking balls are to men, what purses are to women. It's just a little bag but we'd feel naked in public without it.

________________________________________

Samantha: There isn't enough wall space in New York City to hang all of my exes. Let me tell you, a lot of them were hung.

________________________________________

Samantha: [to her male intern] The bad news is you're fired. The good news is now I can fuck you.

________________________________________

Stanford: It's so not fair. All the good ones are straight... even the gay ones.

________________________________________

Samantha: [to Carrie about Big] Have fun, just don't have amnesia.

________________________________________

Carrie: The universe may not always play fair, but at least it's got a hell of a sense of humor.

________________________________________

Charlotte: I don't think she's a lesbian. I think she just ran out of men.

________________________________________

Trey: You're learning Chinese?

Charlotte: Well, just in case, I want to be able to speak to the baby.

________________________________________

[on meeting Big's new girlfriend]

Carrie: Your girl is lovely, Hubbell.

Mr. Big: I don't get it.

Carrie: And you never did.

________________________________________

[after oral sex on some guy]

Samantha: Could you shave or something? Blowing you is like getting my teeth flossed.

________________________________________

Samantha: Look at his robe. So "Robin and his Merry Men."

________________________________________

Samantha: You have a lot of nerve telling me to get a wax. If you were in Aruba the natives could bead your back.

________________________________________

Samantha: I'll admit I have had to polish myself off once or twice, but yes, when I RSVP to a party, I make it my business to come.

________________________________________

Samantha: Anything else around here need milking?

________________________________________

Samantha: Well, I remember when Danny had more than one thought, and they all involved going up my ass.

________________________________________

Samantha: Last night I could not stop thinking about a Big Mac. I finally had to get dressed, go out and pick up a guy.

________________________________________

Samantha: Well, I don't know how you people do it. All that emotional chow-chow. It's exhausting.

________________________________________

Samantha: What am I supposed to say? "Hi, this is my lesbian lover. And p.s.: I'm done with dick"?

________________________________________

Samantha: You've got to get online, honey. If only for the porn.

________________________________________

Carrie: Hi, I'd like a cheeseburger, please, a large fries and a Cosmopolitan.

________________________________________

Carrie: She's shiny Hair Style Section Vera Wang and I'm the sex column they run next to ads for penile implants.

________________________________________

Carrie: I've talked to her twice. Once I was in a cowboy hat and once I was in my bra. I'm like friggin' Annie Get Your Clothes On.

________________________________________

Carrie: How does that work? You go to bed one night, wake up the next morning, and poof - you're a lesbian?

________________________________________

Carrie: Wait a minute. Are we talking tukhis lingus?

________________________________________

Carrie: How does this happen? How do they get the message that the ass is now on the menu?

________________________________________

Carrie: I just left "silent Y" in the bathroom. Oh and P.S., apparently the eighties are back.

________________________________________

Carrie: If by "going," you mean being taken against my will and kidnapped, then yes I'm going. So, enjoy me now, ladies, because this weekend I am Patty Hearst in a mud puddy. I'm a hick town hostage.

________________________________________

Carrie: The only thing I've ever successfully made in the kitchen is a mess. And several small fires.

________________________________________

Carrie: Here. Swear. Swear on Chanel.

________________________________________

Carrie: So what are we going to do? Sit around bars, sipping Cosmos and sleeping with strangers when we're eighty?

________________________________________

Miranda: Do any of you have a completely unremarkable friend or maybe a houseplant I could go to dinner with on Saturday night?

________________________________________

Miranda: Okay, I'm definitely in the slow sexual group if even Charlotte is open to this.

________________________________________

Miranda: Soul mates only exist in the Hallmark aisle of Duane Reade Drugs.

________________________________________

Miranda: I made him cry. No, first I yelled at him - I yelled at my friend the cancer patient - then I made him cry.

________________________________________

Miranda: I used to masturbate to a busboy who was rude to me once. What do you think that means? All right. The cheese stands alone.

________________________________________

Miranda: Sexy is the thing I try to get them to see me as after I win them over with my personality.

________________________________________

Miranda: Women don't care. We care about nice arms, great eyes, a big dick... I've never once heard a woman say: "He had such a big full scrotum."

________________________________________

Miranda: I'm fine... but Charlotte, maybe your "hmmm hmmm" would like an order of fries?

________________________________________

Miranda: I don't want a boyfriend who does that. It's never ok to do that. Wait your turn, shut the door, do your business.

________________________________________

Charlotte: Allow me to get right to the point, guys. After careful consideration, I have decided that I am getting married this year.

________________________________________

Charlotte: I read that if you don't have sex for a year, you can actually become "revirginized".

________________________________________

Charlotte: Trey, you have a boner... I can't discuss my notes if you have a boner.

________________________________________

Charlotte: My vagina's depressed.

________________________________________

Charlotte: Can you have an affair with your own husband?

________________________________________

Charlotte: Look. She's got big boobs. So does she. It's the big boobs bonanza issue.

________________________________________

Charlotte: We finally have the penis working. I don't want to scare it.

________________________________________

Charlotte: If you had a patient who had a very, very slim chance of living, would that be good news? Would you tell the family, "Buck up, he's got a shot in hell?"

________________________________________

Samantha: Where were you on your lunch break? I stopped by your office and you weren't there?

Richard: I was eating.

Samantha: Eating? Eating who?

________________________________________

Carrie: That's another reason I love New York. Just like that, it can go from bad to cute.

________________________________________

Mr. Big: Interesting dress.

Carrie: Meaning?

Mr. Big: Interesting dress.

________________________________________

Samantha: Can we cut the cake? I have to go to a Three-way.

________________________________________

Carrie: [laughing uncontrollably] Wait, Wade, Wait... The Chicken Wings. If they come in and see billions of chicken wings they're gonna know

[more laughing]

Carrie: ... that we were smoking the POT.

________________________________________

Samantha: Money is power, sex is power, therefore, getting money for sex is simply an exchange of power.

Carrie: Once again, Samantha managed to up-sex me.

________________________________________

Miranda: After years of odd men, God is throwing me a bone.

Carrie: And possibly a boner as well.

________________________________________

Carrie: That night, Trey successfully screwed his wife for a full minute-and-a-half... before the wind died.

________________________________________

Charlotte: You pull me off my unicorn, you tear away my gossamer petticoats, and you put your schooner deep inside my Rebecca.

________________________________________

Carrie: One woman's pornographer is another woman's spiritual leader.

________________________________________

Samantha: The country runs better with a good looking man in the White House. I mean, look what happened with Nixon; no one wanted to fuck him, so he fucked everyone.

________________________________________

Carrie: [to Samantha] This past week I've seen Miranda's boobs and Charlotte's boob. Why don't you show me your boobs too and the circle is full?

[Samantha flashes her boobs]

Carrie: I was kidding.

________________________________________

Carrie: [about therapists] First they want you to come there two times a week, then three times a week, and eventually you're starting every sentence with 'my therapist says... '

Miranda: My therapist says that's a very common fear.

________________________________________

Carrie: Yes, we'd love to meet Wesley of Wesley and Leslie. And by the way, does he work at Nestlé?

________________________________________

Samantha: If we could perpetually do blowjobs to every guy on earth, we would own the world. And at the same time have our hands free.

________________________________________

Samantha: You men have no idea what we're dealing with down there. Teeth placement, and jaw stress, and suction, and gag reflex, and all the while bobbing up and down, moaning and trying to breathe through our noses. Easy? Honey, they don't call it a job for nothin'.

________________________________________

Samantha: You get married and hope for the best. If it doesn't work out you'll get divorced. You can take tap with Bojangles over here.

Carrie: No I can't take a vow of for ever and ever if what I mean is for the forseeable future. I couldn't do that to Aiden.

________________________________________

Lew: You want to go grab a drink?

Miranda: Yes please, the sight of all these white teeth is blinding.

________________________________________

Carrie: You think it's as simple as my dad walked out therefore I'll always be screwed up about men?

Miranda: My father came home at seven on the button every night and I still have no clue.

________________________________________

Samantha: [to the girls] I think I have monogamy. I caught it from you people.

Carrie: Now it's airborne.

________________________________________

Miranda: I just got Brady to sleep.

Dr. Robert Leeds: Do you sing to him?

Miranda: Only if he's been bad.

________________________________________

Carrie: This is the day I got arrested for smokin' a doobie.

[giggling uncontrollably]

Carrie: Did you hear that?

[giggling]

Carrie: I said "doobie".

________________________________________

Charlotte: I proposed to myself.

Carrie: What?

Charlotte: Yes. I suggested he have a tomato salad, then I suggested we get married.

Carrie: Wait. What exactly did he say?

Charlotte: All righty.

Carrie: All righty? He said all righty? Now I'm thinking the upsetting thing isn't that you proposed, it's that you proposed to a guy that says "all righty".

Charlotte: Oh, Carrie, stop.

Carrie: All righty.

________________________________________

Mr. Big: [Carrie has returned to New York after a bad spell in Paris and where Big in his ubuquitous runs into her outside on the streets on NYC outside of her apartment] You know, I don't live here anymore and the Four Season won't check you in until one o'clock.

Carrie: Oh? Did you wanna come up?

[She points to her apartment]

Mr. Big: Abso-fucking-lutely!

________________________________________

Carrie: The fact is, sometimes it's really hard to walk in a single woman's shoes. That's why we need really special ones now and then to make the walk a little more fun.

________________________________________

Miranda: [Stomps her foot while on the phone at Steve's] DAMMIT! I fucked up Debbie's B!

________________________________________

[the girls are having lunch]

Carrie: Big's leaving his wife!

[All girls gasp]

Carrie: He got drunk and told me at the furniture show

Miranda: What was he doing at a furniture show?

Carrie: Drinkin' and leaving his wife!

________________________________________

Miranda: I once was broken up with by a guy's doorman: "I'm sorry, Ms. Hobbes, Jonathan won't be coming down. Ever."

________________________________________

Carrie: Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous.

________________________________________

Carrie: It was all very familiar. She was having a dejà-fuck.

________________________________________

Anthony Marantino: I am sleeping and walking! Sleeping and walking! How am I doing that?

________________________________________

Carrie: We were having one of those great first dates that you can only have when its not an actual date.

________________________________________

Carrie: It's the end of an era.

________________________________________

Carrie: You string me along for two years and you marry some 25 year old girl after five months.

________________________________________

Carrie: It's good to know that the ones you love will always be in your heart. And if you're very lucky, only a plane ride away.

________________________________________

Miranda: When did you stop calling her the idiot stick figure with no soul?

Carrie: Three weeks ago when I saw them at Cafe M. He was smiling and holding her hand and I finally got it. They're happy slash we're over.

________________________________________

Miranda: I'm gonna ask you an unpleasant question now- why did you ever say yes?

Carrie: The man you love kneels down in the street and offers you a ring, you say yes that's what you do.

________________________________________

Carrie: Dolce and Gabanna picked me?

Fashion show producer: Yes, fuckette, and those are some picky Italians.

________________________________________

Samantha: My name's Samantha and I'm a loveaholic.

________________________________________

Steve: Who's gonna fuck a uniball bartender?

________________________________________

Carrie: "Going out of business sex", what do you think?

Miranda: [immediately] No.

Carrie: All right, Quick Draw, give it a second here.

Miranda: [gives it a literal second] No.

________________________________________

Carrie: My Zen teacher also said the only way to true happiness is to live in the moment and not be worried about the future.

________________________________________

Carrie: Maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they need to run free until they find someone just as wild to run with...

________________________________________

Carrie: I will never be the woman with the perfect hair, who can wear white and not spill on it.

________________________________________

Charlotte: I didn't grow up in a naked house.

Carrie: Well I didn't either.

Charlotte: [laughing about a naked woman in the locker room] I bet she grew up in a naked house.

Carrie: She might still live in a naked house.

________________________________________

Carrie: What? Now? What happened to last night with all your concerns?

Big: Fuck it. You'll need material for the sequel.

________________________________________

Miranda: I'm dating skid-marks guy. When your boyfriend is so comfortable that he cannot be bothered to wipe his ass, there's a problem.

________________________________________

Miranda: I didn't tell Walker I was pregnant.

Carrie: Miranda!

Miranda: It didn't come up! If Walker had said to me, "Have you given birth recently?", I would have said, "Well, first of all, define recently."

________________________________________

Miranda: [about analingus] Some guy must have found one woman that loved it and then went around telling everyone, "Women LOOOVE this!"

________________________________________

Carrie: Charlotte, you have slept with eight men and we're still on appetizers.

________________________________________

Harry: Charlotte, you're so beautiful... your skin is so smooth...

Charlotte: And you... have a hard dick.

________________________________________

Carrie: I revealed too much too soon. I was emotionally slutty.

________________________________________

Samantha: [on the possibility that Carrie's boyfriend will propose to her] If you become one of thos married assholes, I'll kill you.

________________________________________

Samantha: [somebody drew a crude drawing on Carrie's bus ad, so Samantha tries to comfort her] Nobody in New York notices a bus, unless it's about to hit them.

________________________________________

Charlotte: It's like we live in the Museum of Natural Ugliness!

________________________________________

Carrie: [offscreen] The only thing harder than choosing a spot for your wedding when you hate weddings is choosing a wedding gift for your friend who hates weddings.

Charlotte: What about a guest book?

Carrie: There's gonna be like eight of us there. There's no one to keep track of. I can't believe Miranda is getting married.

Charlotte: [holds up heart shaped dish] This is pretty!

Samantha: Oh, she'll hate that. Too domestic.

Carrie: And too bridey.

Samantha: Yeah, let's try not to piss her off.

Charlotte: Maybe we should just buy her a stapler, wrap it in brown paper and just smear some dog poo on it! Think she'd be comfortable with that?

Carrie: Fine. We'll get the dish.

________________________________________

Charlotte: Oh my God! Vagina weights!

Samantha: Honey, my vagina waits for no man.

________________________________________

Carrie: We had left the world of black and white, and now everything was gray.

________________________________________

Carrie: [to Mr. Big] I'll see you Sunday night. Don't disappoint us. And by us, I mean you and me.

________________________________________

Carrie: I'm drunk. I'm drunk at *Vogue*!

________________________________________

[Charlotte has just told the girls about a magazine article she read which said that a woman only gets two "great loves" in her lifetime]

Charlotte: So far I've only had one great love - Trey.

[to Miranda]

Charlotte: How many great loves have you had?

Miranda: Zero.

Carrie: Really? What about Steve?

Miranda: Steve's a friend, not a core-shaker.

Samantha: Well, I'm done with great love. I'm back to great lovers.

Miranda: [to Carrie] You?

Carrie: I refuse to define love in those limited terms

Miranda: [laughing] I had to!

Charlotte: Oh, come on Carrie! Aidan and Big!

[Charlotte pauses as she realizes what she just said. Carrie looks up at her]

Carrie: One, two. And according to you, I'm done!

Charlotte: No, no, it was a stupid article. It was at the dentist!

Carrie: No, no, no, no, too late now. You said it, it's over for me. "Here lies Carrie. She had two loves and lots o' shoes"

________________________________________

Miranda: [to shop assistant] No, I told you, no white, no ivory, nothing that says virginal. I have a child. The jig is up.

________________________________________

Carrie: [Miranda has just told Carrie that Steve wants to be exclusive, and that she's feeling conflicted about it] Uh-oh. Time for the ol' list.

Miranda: The list?

Carrie: Things you like about Steve, things you don't like about Steve. Then see which list is longer.

Miranda: That seems so judgmental.

Carrie: Miranda, you *are* judgmental. Try putting it to good use.

________________________________________

[Carrie and Charlotte are in the park]

Carrie: The Russian doesn't want to have kids. Had one a long time ago. He's done.

Charlotte: Well, then, "dosvidanya" or however you say it.

Carrie: What? No! For you maybe, but not for me.

Charlotte: Don't you want to have the option?

Carrie: Well, yes. But it's my experience that men like him don't come along that often.

Charlotte: But we're 38! These are the years.

Carrie: Yes, I know, I've heard. I'm running out of time. I don't even have time to eat this cookie.

Charlotte: How is it?

Carrie: It's so good I forgot to have children.

________________________________________

Carrie: That's my call, can you hang on?

Charlotte: [the doorbell rings] No, I can't. That's the locksmith. Bunny's back.

________________________________________

Mr. Big: How are things with that guy, Hot Dog?

Carrie: Berger.

________________________________________

Carrie: [on starting an all-male brothel industry] We should open one in every block, like Starbucks!

Samantha: Starfucks!

________________________________________

Carrie: [waiting with Mr. Winkle, the puppet dog, for her book reading to start] This book tour's tough.

Carrie: [Mr. Winkle continues to nod and pant. Carrie gives him a good look] That's a cute top.

________________________________________

Charlotte: What am I going to tell my kids? "Well, Mommy really wanted to get married so she asked Daddy and Daddy said "All righty.""

________________________________________

Carrie: The most important thing in life is your family. There are days you love them, and others you don't. But, in the end, they're the people you always come home to. Sometimes it's the family you're born into and sometimes it's the one you make for yourself.

________________________________________

Samantha: Wanna wrestle!

________________________________________

Miranda: Baptism is a very odd tradition. It's all about cleansing this little baby of its sins, when clearly babies come into the world with a clean slate and we're the ones who fuck 'em up.

Carrie: So you're a pessimist, right?

Miranda: Have we met?

________________________________________

Carrie: Here we are ladies, Atlantic City! Look around and breathe it all in!

Carrie: [breathes in] Ahhhhhh, I've missed this! Ahhh, yeah!

Samantha: You've been here before?

Carrie: I was referring to the cigarette smoke.

________________________________________

Samantha: Fuck me badly once, shame on you. Fuck me badly twice, shame on me!

________________________________________

Carrie: Man may have discovered fire, but women discovered how to play with it.

S-a intunecat…noptile au inceput sa vina mai repede…urasca perioada asta a anului, cand soarele se pregateste sa isi ia propria vacanta. Ploua si mi-e frig…mi-e dor de zilele de canicula, cand nu puteam sa respir.

Prin fereastra deschisa intra un vant rece care ma face sa imi doresc sa ma bag sub plapuma sis a dorm…sa dorm…Doamne, as dormi vreo doua luni, asa…oare de ce nu exista posibilitatea ca atunci cand doresti, sa ti se faca o injectie si sa dormi cateva saptamani. Sa fie ca o vacanta pentru ganduri, pentru probleme…Ca un fel de criogenie…Sa nu mai simt nimic, sa nu mai aud nimic, sa fiu in moarte clinica pentru ceva timp…sa “plec prin paduri cantand”…

Imi aprind o tigara si privesc pe geam. Imi plac momentele astea ale noptii cand toata lumea doarme. Mai putin eu, varful incandescent al tigarii si felinarul de sub geam…si o tanara care tocmai s-a oprit sub el…Este zgribulita sub stropii reci care ii cad pe umerii goi…o urmaresc cu privirea, din ce in ce mai curioasa. Oricum nu am nimic mai bun de facut. Sta si priveste in jur, ca si cum ar cauta pe cineva. O avea vreo intalnire, desi pe ploaia asta nu si-a ales cel mai bun moment. Dintr-o data, totul se transforma intr-o scena de film, cand o vad cum se prabuseste, cu capul in mani si aud cel mai deznadajduit hohot de plans pe care l-am auzit vreodata. Plange ca si cum i-ar fi murit cineva, ca si cum sub ochii ei lumea s-ar fi prabusit din temelii. Fara sa ma gandesc prea mult si fara sa stiu prea bine cand si cum, cobor la ea. Ma apropii incet, cu teama si cu grija.

“Esti in regula?” – ma aud spunand si apoi ma injur in gand pentru “originalitate”. Normal ca nu e in regula, un om in regula nu jeleste la 1 noaptea cazut in genunchi, in namol, sub un felinar.

Nici nu ma baga in seama. Cred ca nici nu m-a auzit. Ingenunchez langa ea si o iau in brate. Se lasa moale, ca si cum nu i-ar mai pasa de nimic. Nu ii zic nimic, pur si simplu imi plange in brate. Hohotele ei sparg linistea noptii si imi dau fiori de gheata pe spate. E uda, murdara de namol pe picioare, parul ud ii intra in ochi, in gura, are ochii deschisi larg si priveste in gol cu groaza, ca si cum ar fi vazut ceva groaznic. Ii dau parul la o parte din ochi si o tin in continuare in brate.

La un moment dat, ca si cum s-ar fi trezit dintr-o transa, se trage din bratele mele, ma fixeaza cu privirea si o aud vorbind cu o voce de cavou:

“S-a sfarsit!”

In secunda urmatoare se ridica si o rupe la fuga prin ploaie, disparand printre blocuri, lansandu-ma in genunchi, in ploaie, sub felinar, buimaca si plina de presimtiri rele.

Ajunga acasa, fac un dus fierbinte, ma bag in pat cu o ciocolata calda si cu capul plin de intrebari: CE s-a sfarsit? DE CE?

Din noaptea aceea, nu pot sa imi scot din cap o melodie...

I'll never let you see
The way my broken heart is hurting me
I've got my pride and I know how to hide
All the sorrow and pain
I'll do my crying in the rain

Ora 5.30 AM: suna alarma. Buimaca, sar cu mana pe telefon, raspund, nimeni la celalalt capat. Sunetul enervant se aude in continuare. Iau celalalt telefon, dupa ce ma chiorasc la el cateva secunde bune, realizez ca era alarma. Incep intrebarile. De ce suna ceasul? De ce l-am pus la ora asta? Unde trebuie sa ma duc? Hait!!! Azi e nunta! Sar din pat, ma indrept rapid catre baie, ma lovesc cu capul de usa si intr-un final reusesc sa dau drumul la apa si sa ma spal de fata inca injurand usa netrebnica. Dupa ce reusesc sa deschid ochii, fac un dus rapid, ma intorc in dormitor sit rag de ginerica sa se dea jos din pat si sa ma duca la coafor.

Ora 6.00 AM: am ajuns la coafor. Sunt doar eu si coafeza mea preferata. Ii explic ce si cum, incepe sa ma traga de par, in incercarea disperata de a mi-l descurca. Incep sa ma gandesc ca ar fi fost o idée buna sa ma fi pieptanat acasa.

Ora 6.45 AM: coafura este gata si sunt incantata de rezultat, ca de fiecare data cand merg la fata asta. Este nemaipomenita. Cum Marius plecase acasa, plec pe jos, in pantaloni scurti si maieu cum plecasem de acasa, dar cu o coafura de milioane. Pe drum imi iau o cafea de la dozator si lipa-lipa in papucei, ma grabesc catre casa. Sper sa apuc sa fumez si eu juma de pachet pana incep sa curga invitatii, care nu trebuie sa afle ca mireasa fumeaza. Ajung acasa, Marius in pat. Ii aduc aminte ca trebuie sa se pregateasca pentru propria nunta si ma duc in bucatarie unde bag doua energizante si 5 tigari la foc continuu.

Ora 7.30 AM: e timpul pentru machiaj.

Ora 8.15 AM: gata machiajul. Tuguiez buzele, multumita. Ma imbrac.

Ora 8.30 AM: sunt gata sa merg sa spun “Da”. Incepe sa sune interfonul. Marius pleaca sa aduca cele doua cosuri cu flori, necesare pentru fotografiile de dupa cununica civila.

Ora 8.50 AM: Se intoarce Marius. Casa s-a umplut de lume. Deja mi-au luat un strat de fond de ten cu atatea pupaturi. II sun pe ai mei parinti si aflu ca intarzie. Ma enervez. Ramene san e intalnim direct la Casa Casatoriilor. Prietena mea Simona, care vine din Pitesti cu noul ei iubit misterios (mi-a zis ca vine cu cineva, nu a vrut sa dea detalii), ma suna si cere indicatii despre cum sa ajunga. I-l dau pe Marius, eu sunt pierduta in spatiu cand e vorba de orientarea in oras.

Ora 9.10 AM: cu 10 minute intarziere, plecam de acasa. Pe drum ne intalnim cu Simona si toti grupati ajungem la Casa Casatoriilor.

Ora 9.20 AM: Cobor prima si fug in curtea cladirii, sa vad daca au ajuns ai mei. Acolo asteptau deja nasii si o gramada de alti invitati. Nici nu ma apropii bine de ei, ca ma intampina vreo 10 aparate de fotografiat, care incep sa imi tacane in nas, cerand zambete. Imi iese un zambet fortat, mai mult strambatura. Ma intimidez. Iar pupaturi. Imi iau adio de la al doilea strat de fond de ten. Cei care ne insotisera pe drum intra si ei pe poarta. O vad pe Simona, ma indrept catre ea. Insotitorul ei era…o ea. Si anume prietena mea, plecata in Germania, care imi zisese ca nu poate ajunge. Asta a fost surpriza frumoasa a nuntii.

Ora 9.30 AM Suntem poftiti in sala. Totul dureaza 2 minute. Mi se reproseaza ca “Da”-ul meu e cam fara vlaga. Le spun ca nu am mancat de dimineata. Semnam-alte fotografii. Ne pupam - alte fotografii. Deja ma dor falcile de la zambit la comanda.

Ora 9.35 Am – ciocnim sampanie, primesc flori, o gramada de buchete care ma acopera. Mis e mai vede doar fruntea. Noroc ca sar cateva fete sa ma ajute cu ele. Iesim pe trepte, totul regizat: invitatii primii, care fac o coroana de flori si noi iesim ultimii. Incep sa urle toti “Multi ani traiasca!” Se arunca petale de trandafiri. Tubul de confetti nu functioneaza. Fir-ar! Fotografie de grup. Fotografie de familie. Fotograful ne face program. Toti sa mearga in English Park pentru alte poze.

Ora 10.00 AM – ajungem in Engliah Park. Toti, cu exceptia lui ginerica, please sa ia florile de la agentie. Mi se fac alte fotografii. Inca nu sunt obisnuita. Pozele sunt un dezastru. Am o fata de parca ma doare ceva.

Ora 10.45 AM - ajunge si ginerica in parc, dupa ce toata lumea era deja plictisita si transpirata. Facem fotografiile rapid. Dupa, lumea se imparte in doua grupuri: ai mei, care plecam toti spre Filiasi si ai lui, care pleaca la nas acasa. Eu plec cu fetele mele de la Pitesti. Pe drum oprim la un OMV, sa bag o tigara. Eram in sevraj deja.

Ora 11.15 AM: Marius ma suna sa imi spuna ca ei sunt gata si ramane cu gura cascata cand ii spun ca eu inca nu am ajuns. Sa mai aiba putintica rabdare.

Ora 11.25 AM: am ajuns acasa. In fata blocului alor mei erau doua corturi mari cu mese intinse. Scara e plina de baloane si impodobita mai ceva decat mine pana sus, la trei, la usa parintilor. Ma bag in viteza in dormitor cu fetele, care ma ajuta sa ies din hainele de cununie sis a intru in rochia de mireasa.

Ora 11.45 AM: sunt imbracata, transpirata toata de la effort si plina de draci: sclipiciul cu care m-am dat pe corp este lipicios si mi s-a naclait tot parul la spate. Intru in baie si il ud, apoi il usuc si il pieptan. Nu mai am timp sa ma demachiez, asa ca machiajul de mireasa se pune peste cel de cununie. Noroc ca sunt aceleasi culori.

Ora 11.55 AM: il sun pe ginerica. Acum nu mai sunt ei gata. Nasica are ceva treaba. Ies din dormitor si incep sa primesc laude si iar imi apar camerele de fotografiat sub nas.

Ora 1.00 PM – ajunge alaiul mirelui. Invitatii mei sunt deja plini de spume. Aud glume: s-o fi razgandit ginerica! Nu mai vine? Uite ca vine. Urca fotograful. Ma fotografiaza din toate unghiurile posibile. In picioare, stand in genunchi, stand in fund, cu spatele, cu fata, profil…Simt cum incep sa transpir din nou. Intr-un final, urca ginerica acompaniat de lautari. La usa, il intampina mama cu matusa-mea, care ii cer sa plateasca daca vrea mireasa. Marius, luat pe nepregatite, cere bani la cumnatul de mana. Plateste, e lasat sa intre. Ma gaseste dupa usa (cica eu trebuia sa ma ascund, dar cu rochia mea nu aveam loc pe nicaieri.

Ora 1.20 PM: cobor jos la corturi. Urmeaza invelitul miresei. Incepe cantareata “Ia-ti mireasa ziua buna” Mama plange, sora-mea plange. Eu nici nu aud versurile, preocupata de cum imi pune nasa diadema. Sa nu cumva sa imi turteasca coafura! Intr-un final, am reusit, sunt multumita de rezultat! Marius trebuie sa ma ridice cu scaun cu tot. Reuseste, ajutat pe sustache de tata. Dupa ce ma ridic, se reped toti la mine sa ma pupe si sa imi indese bani in decolteu. Ma gandesc ca trebuia sa imi las corsetul putin mai larg, sa incapa mai multi. Impodobim bradutul, se joaca hora de mana, apoi ne indreptam toti spre masini. Destinatia: Parcul Poporului, Craiova, pentru fotografiile de album.

Ora 2.15 PM: ajungem in parc. Facem niste fotografii cu rudele si restul invitatilor. Incep sa ma simt ca un animal de la circ, o raritate cu care vor toti sa se pozeze. Dupa aia, fotograful ne ia doar pe noi doi si plecam sa facem fotografiile de album. Ne pune san e plimbam pe malul apei, san e tinem de un copac, unde m-am umplut de furnici, pe un pod de lemn cam instabil in care era sa imi rup tocul. Pe traseu, intalnim alte alaiuri de nunta, cu acelasi obiectiv. La final, imi spune mama, mandra nevoie mare, ca sunt cea mai frumoasa mireasa din zona, chiar si invitati de la alte nunti au constatat asta.

Ora 4.20 PM: panica! La si jumate intram la biserica si nasa este inca acasa, alapteaza, ca doar ce a nascut. Avem noroc insa, apare nasa exact cand ma gandeam ca raman fara blagoslovirea bisericeasca. Ajungem la timp la biserica. In curte, ma intalnesc cu o alta prietena, care nu reusise sa ajunga pana atunci. Ne pupam rapid si intram in fuga in biserica. Nu am auzit nimic din slujba, ma tot bataiam de pe un picior pe altul, ca nu mai puteam de durere- ma batusera pantofii. Imi promit ca la iesire imi pun papuci. Zis si facut.

Ora 5.30 PM: ajungem la restaurant. Cum ei ne asteptau peste doua ore, ne asezam la terasa si ne punem pe asteptat.

Ora 6 PM: putem sa intram in restaurant, insa nu putem(sic!). Parintii disparusera si fara ei nu puteam face primirea.

Ora 7 PM: ajung parintii la restaurant, bodoganiti bine si de mine si de Marius. Intram, ciocnim sampanie, jucam hora miresei, apoi incepem sa invitam lumea sa se aseze la mese.

Ora 7 PM -4 AM: perioada asta este destul de tulbure, pentru ca lucrurile au decurs intr-un vartej ametitor. Imi amintesc ca:

- la o ora dupa inceperea chefului, eu jeleam, pentru ca ma enervase nasul. La propria mea nunta, el dicta asezarea la mese.

- Nu am mancat nimic. Cum ma asezam sa mananc, veneau alti invitati care trebuiau primiti. Drept rezultat, a doua zi aveam doua kile in minus la cantar. Yeey!

- La un moment dat, am dansat pe masa. Ordinul fotografului. Degeaba am protestat eu, ca m-a luat in brate si m-a asezat pe masa inainte sa apuc sa zic vreun cuvant. Odata ajunsa acolo, a trebuit sa joc(adica dansez), ca erau toti ochii pe mine, ca pe butelie.

- De vreo doua ori m-am inchis in camera lautarilor, unde am bagat la viteza vreo doua tigari urmate de un pachet de guma si juma de sticla de parfum. Habar nu aveti ce inseamna sa ascunzi ca esti fumatoare cand esti mireasa si te pupa toti.

- La furatul miresei, am ajuns intr-un club de striptease. Nu mai e nevoie sa spun ca am fost senzatia serii.

- la intoarcerea din club, l-am uitat pe unul din hoti in portbagajul masinii timp de jumatate de ora.

- La ora 1 ramasesem fara apa minerala. Se bausera 180 de litri!!A trebuit sa plecam sa mai cumparam. A fost o adevarata provocare sa mai gasim ceva deschis la ora aia.

- La 4 dimineata ne-au dat afara din restaurant. Ma rog, nu pe noi personal, ca trebuia sa le platim.

- Cand am iesit din restaurant, am constatat ca ne sparsesera masina. Asa ca eu am plecat frumusel acasa cu taxi, iar mirele si-a petrecut noaptea nuntii la politie, dand declaratii.

- a doua zi, la petrecerea intre rude, am fost atat de daramata, incat am capitulat la aperitiv si m-am dus sa ma culc. Halal petrecere, fara mireasa!

Concluzii?

Nunta este o mare alergatura. Nici nu am apucat sa imi dau seama ce si cum, ca a si trecut…As mai face-o o data? Da, pentru atentia primita (cui nu-i place sa fie o zi centrul universului?) Nu, pentru ca nu m-am bucurat cum ar fi trebuit de ea. Totul a fost contra cronometru, mereu pe fuga, mereu pe drumuri, mereu incercand sa te imparti la cei “n” invitati. Dar, poate sunt eu prea cinica pentru asemenea evenimente…

Cand eram copil, visam purtata de aripile povestilor, la taramuri fermecate, cu printi curajosi si castele de clestar, la cum avea sa fie viata mea cand aveam sa cresc mare, la o rochie alba de printesa si la un print care sa ma duca la castelul lui. Stateam noaptea in pat cu ochii inchisi si imi faceam viitorul din clipe de visare. Intr-o zi am crescut, am deschis ochii si povestile au disparut. Motivul pentru care uneori inca ma mai agat de povesti, incercand sa strang bine din ochi pentru a prinde un licar din amintirea lor este ca si eu, ca oricine, am o mica speranta ca intr-o zi, voi deschide ochii si totul se va adeveri.

E dur sa cresti mare. Si nici o farama din experienta mea de viata nu am obtinut-o fara sa sufar in carne vie pentru ea. Se spune ca nimic bun in viata nu se obtine fara suferinta. Insa si lucrurile rele dor. Si pentru ele versi lacrimi amare.

Totul sta in intelepciunea noastra de a face diferenta intre un lucru bun si unul rau. De unde stii ca ceea ce vrei iti face bine? Nu stim, insa fiecare avem o cutie a Pandorei cu o speranta mititica ramasa ratacita si fricoasa in urma, pe care o exploatam la maxim. Suntem toti niste copii care inca visam cai albi pe pereti verzi si de fiecare data ne avantam cu toata forta de care suntem in stare pentru obtinerea acelui ceva, indiferent ce face obiectul pasiunii noastre in acel moment, cu speranta ca de data asta este THE ONE. Ca asta este sansa noastra si daca obtinem asta, atunci nu ne mai trebuie nimic. Ma rog, pana data viitoare!

Ce ne facem insa cand vedem ca ceea ce am vrut si ne-am dorit cu toata fiinta ne face mai mult rau decat bine? Renuntam, logic, nu? Da de unde! Ne agatam in continuare de lucrul care ne distruge viata, incercand sa nu-l scapam din maini. De ce? Pentru ca pentru o lunga perioada de timp, acel lucru a fost ratiunea noastra de a fi, pentru ca daca renuntam, ce ne mai ramane? Incotro ne indreptam? Indiferent cum ne simtim, bine sau rau, acel lucru ne dadea un sens vietii. Si nu suntem atat de intelepti (cel putin, nu din prima) ca sa renuntam si sa mergem mai departe cand vedem ca nu e cum ne imaginam. Plus ca mai intervine si orgoliul. Refuzam sa acceptam esecul si preferam sa strangem din dinti si sa ne-o luam Big Time, decat sa intelegem ca a gresi este omeneste si ca nu suntem clarvazatori si nici atotputernici.

Viata este ceva ciudat. Si de multe ori cred ca este o gluma. Cineva spunea ca nu s-ar mira ca, atunci cand va muri, sa Il gaseasca pe The Big Chief razand. Sincer, nici eu.

“ At the end of the day faith is a funny thing. It turns up when you don't really expect it. Its like one day you realize that the fairy tale may be slightly different than you dreamed. The castle, well, it may not be a castle. And its not so important happy ever after, just that its happy right now. See once in a while, once in a blue moon, people will surprise you , and once in a while people may even take your breath away.”-Meredith Grey (Grey's Anatomy)

Am intrat in linie dreapta. De azi intr-o saptamana voi fi Doamna… In loc de Domnisoara…Ma rog, cel putin asa se spune. Pentru ca eu si Doamnele nu avem prea multe in comun. Toata viata voi ramane o pustoaica rasfatata, incapatanata si aeriana.

Deci, sa fac bilantul lucrurilor facute si nefacute pana la acest moment:

- casa mea arata ca in fotografiile de mai jos. Si asta e doar varianta coafata. Sa nu mai vorbesc despre faptul ca facem intr-o parte si se darama in alta, proaspat terminata. Parca am fi Mesterii lui Manole. Poate ar fi o idee buna sa zidim pe cineva in pereti, poate asa nu vor mai cadea. M-as zidi pe mine!










- Eu sunt complet echipata pentru nunta, el nu si-a luat nimic;
- Unghiile mele sunt un dezastru de la var si praf. Ma rog de ele sa nu se rupa pana sambata viitoare. Sa nu uit: pedichiura!
- Mainile mele arata de parca as fi sapat toata viata. Triumf- ul e de vina, fir-ar sa fie! Mi-a ars pielea. Noroc ca am manusi la tinuta de nunta.
- Pielea mea care trebuia sa fie aramie, conform planurilor mele fantasmagorice de a imi petrece weekendurile la plaja, arata ca o foaie de hartie alba. Deh, cine se gandea ca renovatul asta imi va manca si nervii si planurile?
- De par nu mai vorbesc. Trebuie sa ma vopsesc. URGENT!
- Trebuie sa vorbesc cu coafeza, daca nu vreau sa raman cu ochii in soare si sa imi pun in loc de voal, sapca.
- Picioarele mele sunt pline de vanatai. Rochia de mireasa va rezolva aceasta problema, dar ce ma fac la cununie, ca am rochita pana la genunchi?
- Nunta mea se va tine fara 95% din prietenii mei.
- Inca o data, sa nu uit cumva de ce e bine ca fac ce fac. Ca dintr-o data, Runnaway Bride a devenit un film foarte interesant. Chiar…de ce e bine?

In ultimele trei luni am schimbat orasul, casa, jobul, mi-am parasit prieteni dragi, am pierdut o parte din ei, de tot atata timp sunt in renovari, nimic nu e cum ma asteptam sa fie. Perioada de tranzitie, perioada de tranzitie, dar cat dracu are de gand sa dureze? Ma simt ca Romania in perioada ei de tranzitie.

In orice caz, in cap incep sa se auda clopote de biserica. “We’re going to the chapel and we’re gonna det married!”