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> Bancuri, anecdote, glume, etc
Fanny
post Apr 22 2009, 07:39 PM
Post #1071


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Cleo
post Apr 23 2009, 08:02 PM
Post #1072


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TWENTY-NINE LINES TO MAKE YOU SMILE

1... My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't.
2.. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
3.. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
4.. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
5.. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.
6.. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me
7.. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
8.. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
9.. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are just missing.
10... Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
11.. Nyquil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.
12.. God must love stupid people; He made so many.
13.. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
14.. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
15.. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
16.. Being 'over the hill' is much better than being under it!
17.. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.
18 Procrastinate Now!
19.. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?
20.. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
21.. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
22.. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
23..They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
24.. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD.
25.. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.
26.. Ham and eggs...A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.
27.. The trouble with life is there's no background music.
28.. The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.
29.. I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.
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bulina
post Apr 30 2009, 10:17 PM
Post #1073





Musafir






"BARELE DE LA PERDEA
Poveste adevarata.....

O femeie recent divortata,isi petrecu prima zi impachetindu-si lucrurile in cutii si valize. A doua zi a venit un camion si a incarcat totul,inclusiv mobila.
A treia zi ,s-a asezat pe jos,in sufrageria goala,a pus muzica in surdina,a asezat doua luminari,doua kile de creveti,o farfurie de icre si o sticla
de vin alb pus la gheata.
Cind a terminat de mincat,a demontat toate barele de la perdelele din fiecare camera,le-a scos capacele laterale,a indesat inauntru icrele si crevetii care
ii ramasesera,a pus capacele la loc si a asezat din nou barele la geamuri.
Cind s-a intors,fostul sot s-a mutat cu amanta si cu noua lui mobila.In primele zile totul fu perfect.Insa in curind,incet,incet,casa a inceput sa puta.
Au incercat de toate:au facut curatenie,au aerisit...au revizat gurile de ventilatie pentru eventualitatea ca s-ar pute gasi soareci morti inauntru,au spalat covoarele...In fiecare coltisor de casa au pus deodorante electrice,au golit zeci de butelii de spray..Au cheltui o gramada de bani sa schimbe covoarele...In zadar.
Nimic nu functiona.
Nimeni nu le mai venea in vizita,angajatii refuzau sa lucreze si pina si fata care facea curatenie in casa,i-a abandonat.
Disperati,fostul sot si amanta,au hotarit sa se mute.
Dupa o luna inca nu gasisera pe nimeni dispus sa cumpere casa.Cei de la agentiile imobiliare nici nu mai raspundeau la telefon.
In final au cumparat o casa noua.
Intr-o zi,fosta sotie il suna ca sa stabileasca detaliile divortului si din treacat il intreaba cum o mai duce.El raspunde ca vinde casa,fara insa sa-i dea
vreo explicatie.
Ea il asculta calma,apoi ii zice ca o sa vorbeasca cu avocatul,sa vada cum ar putea face sa cumpere ea casa..Banuind ca ea n-are nici o idee de adevaratul motiv pentru care o vinde,ii propune a zecea parte din pretul real al locuintei,ca sa scape cit mai repede.Femeia accepta si in citeva ore avocatul ii aduce actele la semnat.
O saptamina mai tirziu,barbatul si amanta se oprira la poarta casei,observind surizatori cum muncitorii impachetau lucrurile si le urcau in camion.
Totul.... .....inclusiv barele de la perdele...

IMI PLAC ISTORIILE CU FINAL FERICIT...TIE,NU?


German Dehesa spunea ceva asemanator: "noi,barbatii ,ar trebui sa intelegem ca femeile sint invincibile, imparabile si de neintrecut"... in marsavii de acest gen..."
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dr_wise
post May 16 2009, 10:13 PM
Post #1074





Musafir






The Polite way to Pee
During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:
'Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?'
Michael said 'Just a minute I have to go pee.'
The teacher responded by saying, 'That would be rude and impolite. What about you Sherman, how would you say it?'
Sherman said, 'I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back.'
That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table.
And you, little Edward, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?'
'I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine whom I hope to introduce you to after dinner.'
The teacher fainted!!!
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kary_pink
post May 16 2009, 10:32 PM
Post #1075





Musafir






Auuuuuuuuuu (IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif)
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Fanny
post May 16 2009, 11:02 PM
Post #1076


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Diana.
post Jun 25 2009, 09:00 AM
Post #1077


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Bulă intră în direct la radio.
- Bună ziua, sunteţi în direct.
- Bună ziua, am găsit un portofel cu 15.000 de dolari în el şi cu un buletin pe numele de Moise Virgil.
- Bravo, domnu’ Bulă, vă felicit! Şi ce aţi vrea să îi transmiteţi?
- Aş vrea să îi transmit domnului Moise Virgil o dedicaţie muzicală!
***
Bulă stătea de vorbă cu tatăl său:
- Tată, tu mi-ai povestit că odată te-au dat afară de la şcoală.
- Da, Bulă. Dar de ce mă întrebi?
- Pentru că istoria se repetă...
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