Bancuri, anecdote, glume, etc Options

[MonicutzaB]

Pe tata nu putea sa-l atinga nici o femeie, ca-i zicea: "Ia mana de pe mine, ca-mi moare o oaie"

(IMG:http://www.elady.ro/forums/style_emoticons/default/morderis.gif) asta e preferata mea! oricum, sunt super tari. le pusesem si eu mai demult la perle parca. (IMG:http://www.elady.ro/forums/style_emoticons/default/magindesc.gif)

[Szimcsi]

Un arab, un indian si un roman povesteau miracolele divine prin care trecusera. Arabul: Era o seceta groaznica si am ingenunchiat si m-am rugat lui Allah sa ma ajute. Si deodata, pe o raza de 100m in jurul meu a inceput sa ploua! Indianul: Era o inundatie cumplita si am ingenunchiat si m-am rugat lui Budha sa ma ajute. Si deodata, pe o raza de 100m in jurul meu s-a oprit ploaia! Românul: Ieseam de la biserica si am gasit un portofel pe jos. Si am ingenunchiat si m-am rugat la Dumnezeu sa nu ma lase sa pacatuiesc si sa mi-l insusesc in acea sfanta zi de duminica. Si, deodata, pe o raza de 100m in jurul meu s-a facut marti!

[Szimcsi]

The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each
other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day,
he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
"Please wake me at 5:00 AM " He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM
and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and
see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by
the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied , "in-laws

WOMEN'S REVENGE
"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
"No," she replied, " but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."

UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
and still be afraid of a spider.

W O R D S
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day...
30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"

CREATION
A man said t o his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be
so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
" The wife responded, "Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!

WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who
should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first,
and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and
you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."
Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible
that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament
and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says.........."HEBREWS"

God may have created man before woman,
but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.

SEND THIS TO SMART WOMEN WHO NEED A LAUGH AND TO MEN YOU THINK CAN HANDLE IT !

[fortelady]

O soparla si o koala stateau intr-un copac si fumau marijuana...Soparlei i se face sete si se duce la un rau sa bea apa. La rau un crocodil ii zice soparlei "Ce-i cu tine, ma, ce esti asa de ametzita?" soparla ii zice " eeee, io si koala fumam marijuana in copac". Crocodilul se duce la copac sa o certe pe koala; ajunge la koala, iar asta uimita ii spune din copac: " CATA APA AI BAUT, FATAAAAAAAAA???"

[Szimcsi]

Moaaa, ce tare ! (IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif)

[berbecutza]

(IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif) (IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif) (IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif)

[Szimcsi]

ATENTIE: Prostia e contagioasa!!!
     In atentia cititorilor, continutul este un rip off al cartii "Fie'ne tranzitia usoara" - un volum cu cele mai bune perle romanesti din mass-media romaneasca , drepturile de autor apartinand in intregime autorului Radu Paraschivescu.
  I) Varii:
     1. Omul este o persoana umana.   Gheorghe Ha g i
     2. Nu mai e mult pana mai e foarte putin.   Gigi Becali
     3. Sper ca lucrurile astea nu au nici o legatura cu gripa aviatica.   Loredana Gro(a)za
     4. Adi de Vito si Virgil Iantu au devenit tatici in aceeasi zi, desi nu sunt casatoriti.   Cristian Gro(a)za
      5. Ouale lui Adrian Nastase sunt de gaina.   Ion Iliescu (Ilievici)
      6. Ma pis pe Uniunea Europeana.   Florin Calinescu
      7. Iti multumim, Mihai Leu. Iti multumim din suflet si te sarutam peste tot.   Ionel Stoica
      8. Rog poporul roman sa stea cu mainile si picioarele departate ca sa'l patrund cu energia mea.   Constantin Mudava
      9. Batea ploaia cu o grindina mare cat singurul testicul al lui Oliviu Gherman.   Corneliu Vadim Tudor
      10. Am citit Manualul razboinicului luminii cu doua markere. Cu galben am subliniat pasajele care mi'au placut si unde m'am identificat cu eroul cartii, iar cu verde pe cele care nu mi'au placut si nu le'am citit (?).   Gigi Becali
 
  II)   Texte muzicale:
     1. S.O.S.,simt ca ma topesc/ Vreau mai multa gheata/ Sau poate o inghetata/ S.O.S., simt ca ma topesc/ Sa'l vanam pe soare/ Sa'l bagam la inchisoare.   OOPS! & Stevie Bass
     2. Nu e baiatul meu cu ochi caprui/ Acesta'i are albastru albastrui.   Bambi
      3. Am mai multe carduri/ Decat ma'ta farduri.   Daddy Fizz
      4. Sunt plecat acum/ Sunt in club/ Capu' face bum/ De la fum.   Dance Control
      5. Mi'a venit aseara/ Un miros de vara/ M'am simtit ca beata/ Si'am cazut pe scara.   K-Risma    

[berbecutza]

      7. Iti multumim, Mihai Leu. Iti multumim din suflet si te sarutam peste tot.   Ionel Stoica
      8. Rog poporul roman sa stea cu mainile si picioarele departate ca sa'l patrund cu energia mea.   Constantin Mudava

       II)   Texte muzicale:
     
      3. Am mai multe carduri/ Decat ma'ta farduri.   Daddy Fizz
     
      5. Mi'a venit aseara/ Un miros de vara/ M'am simtit ca beata/ Si'am cazut pe scara.   K-Risma    

(IMG:style_emoticons/default/morderis.gif)

te sarutam peste tot (IMG:style_emoticons/default/morderis.gif)

[angeldust]

Hai terminati cu astea...versuri mai adevarate decat Romeo Fantastick regele sexului nu are nimeni (IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif) (IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif) (IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif) (IMG:style_emoticons/default/sex.gif)

http://youtube.com/watch?v=j42yrgPl0Ts

[fortelady]

angel, rad de ma inec de cand am dat drumu' la linku tau (IMG:style_emoticons/default/smile.gif)
beton. oare se chinuie mult pana scot asa ceva?

edit: s-a terminat.... e cel mai bun contraceptiv inventat vreodata.. mi-a trecut chefu' de sex pe urmatoarele 5 zile